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Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 20:36:44 2011 interesting take on the subject
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Fred G on Mon Jun 20 22:32:15 2011, in response to Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 20:36:44 2011. Yikes! Your link is to a story about some artist molesting his daughters but the pic clicks to the story I think you intended to link to.your pal, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by BMTLines on Mon Jun 20 22:35:04 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Mon Jun 20 22:32:15 2011. Freudian slip perhaps? |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 22:46:55 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Mon Jun 20 22:32:15 2011. I meant for the LA one to show the dangers of letting men raise kids. He's a single father that used a surrogate to have his daughters. What kind of man goes to a surrogate? |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Fred G on Mon Jun 20 22:54:47 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 22:46:55 2011. So you think that gay men would molest their kids?your pal, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 23:01:18 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Mon Jun 20 22:54:47 2011. I'm wary of any household looking to adopt that doesn't have at least one woman. Gay or straight. I'm more comfortable with a gay, male couple adopting than a single, straight man but neither is ideal. Just barely more comfortable maybe. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by TonyG on Tue Jun 21 00:29:52 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 23:01:18 2011. See...I love kids (and I have no desire to molest them). I'm a single, straight male. I'd feel weird adopting without a female spouse though. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 04:20:12 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 23:01:18 2011. Single guys adopting is weird to me too but not gay male couples. IME gay couples looking to adopt are as settled down as hetero couples are and not likely to be crazed molesters like you infer with your OBS style post. Still I wonder what a teenaged girl is going to feel like without a mom type to discuss female issues with, as just one example. I don't think there are that many gay couples looking to adopt; that DINK (double income no kids) advantage is too sterling for most to give up.Your pal, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by SUBWAYSURF on Tue Jun 21 04:38:49 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 04:20:12 2011. >>>...that DINK (double income no kids) advantage is too sterling for most to give up.<<<Hit the nail on head there, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 05:07:55 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 04:20:12 2011. Frank LombardYou might think like that, but how would you really know? A large number of gay men were themselves molested as kids and there seems to be some correlation between being molested as a kid and doing the same thing as an adult. You take a random group of 10 gay, male couples and odds are that at least half of those couples have at least one person that was molested as a child. That's almost ten times higher than for straight couples. Being gay doesn't make you a pedophile and most pedophiles are not gay, but gay is certainly a high risk group for pedophilia. Still it's considered impolite to talk about so we just give them their adopted kids and pretend that everything's fine. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 05:09:51 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by SUBWAYSURF on Tue Jun 21 04:38:49 2011. I think that men - straight or gay - don't have as strong a nurturing instinct as women. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 05:15:26 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 05:07:55 2011. Do you have statistics to back any of that up?your pal, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by SUBWAYSURF on Tue Jun 21 05:32:45 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 05:15:26 2011. Sounds like BS to me. Neither me, my pertner nor any of our freinds were molested as kids. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by SUBWAYSURF on Tue Jun 21 05:35:09 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 05:09:51 2011. You could be right. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 05:35:32 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by SUBWAYSURF on Tue Jun 21 05:32:45 2011. It sounds far fetched to me, too.your pal, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 05:36:23 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 05:09:51 2011. That I agree with.your pal, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 05:45:52 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 05:15:26 2011. I'm having a really hard time finding reliable information to link. Maybe JayZee can help if he wants. Many of the articles are from churches and right wing sites that aren't necessarily impartial or reliable. But from several articles (both pro-gay and anti-gay) anywhere from 15-30% of gay men admit being molested (under age 12). Given that most people won't admit to being molested you have to figure that the numbers are at least double that. Also only 1-2% of all people report being sexually molested as kids. So gays are 10-15 times more likely to report being molested as kids.But it gets even murkier as most people think that the numbers are much higher than 1.5% and they don't all use the same definitions and age groups for abuse. But the fact is that gays are much more likely to report being molested. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 05:49:38 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by SUBWAYSURF on Tue Jun 21 05:32:45 2011. Obviously it would be difficult subject for most people to discuss. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 07:03:17 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 05:45:52 2011. I dunno, are gays more likely to admit it because more gays are molested as kids or are they simply more likely to admit it because they've crossed the hetero/gay line already and speak more freely about such subjects?10 to 15% gays reporting included in 1 to 2% of all people reporting doesn't make 10 to 15 times more likely. It means that 10 to 15% of gays which are X% of the 1 to 2 % of all people reporting. My point is that one can't conclusively say that a gay couple is more likely to have been molested and will more likely be molesters themselves. Gay couples are generally more stable than single gays just like their hetero counterparts. Your first link was some single dude who molested 2 girls. The second one involves a boy so it's got gay fingerprints on it to be sure in addition to the pedophilia. Both of them need to be punished severely. your pal, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 07:05:48 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 04:20:12 2011. Still I wonder what a teenaged girl is going to feel like without a mom type to discuss female issues with, as just one example.That's what made me sad when seeing this photo below. Not only are these kids going to have to deal with the interracial issue, but also no mother, especially for the two girls. Sad. I don't really like the idea, life is hard enough for kids without this. The southern part of my town has a pretty affluent area where many Manhattan people come to spend the summer, and gays are large part of it (like any area like that). Most of them have the good sense not to do anything like this, but I did see a gay white couple pushing a stroller with a black little girl in it, and I really felt sorry for the poor little girl. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 07:28:35 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 07:05:48 2011. I feel that if it's gay parents, then 2 women would be better than 2 men at raising children.your pal, Fred |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 07:58:55 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Tue Jun 21 07:28:35 2011. Yes, I can agree with that. Again, it's not "gays", it's males in general. And before someone jumps down my throat, it's not because I think the kids will be abused, etc. It's because I feel women are more nurturing, and kids need their mothers. Fathers are important too, but it's different. Especially when the kids are young. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 13:07:25 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 22:46:55 2011. Someone guy who wants to have KIDS and wants to go that route instead of having a wife.....same as a single woman who wants to have kids and does not want a partner and wants to raise a kid by herself....get it? |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 13:10:14 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 23:01:18 2011. "I'm wary of any household looking to adopt that doesn't have at least one woman"How so? so if a single woman wants to adopt or have a natural birth without a partner...that's a big sign of possible molestation? do you have proff to back that up? |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Chris R16/R2730 on Tue Jun 21 13:10:55 2011, in response to Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Mon Jun 20 20:36:44 2011. I have to admit, this makes me uncomfortable. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 13:21:10 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 07:05:48 2011. "Not only are these kids going to have to deal with the interracial issue, but also no mother, especially for the two girls."SO GP38....LETS SO FOR ONE SECOND....THINK ABOUT THIS: A STRAIGHT COUPLE HAS 2 GIRLS....SINCE BIRTH....AND LETS SAYS THE MOM DIES IN A CAR ACCIDENT WHEN BOTH GIRLS ARE SAY 7 YEARS OLD....THE FATHER WOULD FACE THE SAME ISSUES HERE AS WELL SINCE THERE IS NO MOM. YOU REALLY MAKE IT SOUND SO BAD FOR A GIRL TO BE RAISED UP BY 2 GAY MEN WHEN IT IS NOT AN ISSUE WHEN THERE IS TONS OF DATA TO SHOW TEENAGERS FROM STRAIGHT COUPLES WHO'S DAUGHTER HAVE TEEN PREGNANCIES...SO LIKE WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS??? THEIR MOM AND DAD TO SET THEM STRAIGHT ABOUT WHAT NOT TO DO IN LIFE......"and I really felt sorry for the poor little girl." |
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Re: Ghey couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Olog-hai on Tue Jun 21 13:31:45 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 13:21:10 2011. You still here? Don't tell me you got released from the group home due to lack of funds. Don't get kicked out of the library now . . . |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 13:44:39 2011, in response to Re: Ghey couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Olog-hai on Tue Jun 21 13:31:45 2011. "You still here? Don't tell me you got released from the group home due to lack of funds. Don't get kicked out of the library now . . ."I see you put on your homophobic hat today and took off the NAZI jacket for us SUBCHATTERS......so...just how many scandalous Republicans have you thrown under the bus lately? eh? |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 13:45:33 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 07:05:48 2011. A black heterosexual couple of any income would never be allowed to adopt white kids, yet this is what social workers think are best for black kids. Still it's not the fault of gay couples that so many black kids are available for adoption. It's just far from ideal. |
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Re: Ghey couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Train Dude on Tue Jun 21 13:58:40 2011, in response to Re: Ghey couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Olog-hai on Tue Jun 21 13:31:45 2011. has he come out of the group home closet yet? |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 14:02:02 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 13:45:33 2011. "A black heterosexual couple of any income would never be allowed to adopt white kids, yet this is what social workers think are best for black kids."From the NYTIMES.COM: August 17, 2006 Overcoming Adoption’s Racial Barriers By LYNETTE CLEMETSON and RON NIXON Correction Appended When Martina Brockway and Mike Timble, a white couple in Chicago, decided to adopt a child, Ms. Brockway went to an adoption agency presentation at a black church to make it clear they wanted an African-American baby. Their biological daughter, Rumeur, 3, is accumulating black dolls in preparation for her new brother or sister. Black-themed children’s books like “Please, Baby, Please” by the filmmaker Spike Lee and his wife, Tonya Lewis Lee, share shelf space with Elmo and Dr. Seuss. But the couple’s decision provoked some uneasy responses. One of Mr. Timble’s white friends asked, “Aren’t there any white kids available?” Ms. Brockway’s black friends were supportive. “But,” she said, “I also sensed that there was maybe something they weren’t saying.” Mr. Timble cut in. “Like maybe they were thinking, ‘What do these people think they are doing?’ ” Ms. Brockway and Mr. Timble are among a growing number of white couples pushing past longtime cultural resistance to adopt black children. In 2004, 26 percent of black children adopted from foster care, about 4,200, were adopted transracially, nearly all by whites. That is up from roughly 14 percent, or 2,200, in 1998, according to a New York Times analysis of data from the National Data Archive on Child Abuse and Neglect at Cornell University and from the Department of Health and Human Services. “It is a significant increase,” said Rita Simon, a sociologist at American University, who has written several books on transracial adoption. “It is getting easier, bureaucratically and socially. With so many people going overseas, people are also increasingly saying, Wait a minute, there are children here who need to be adopted, too.” The 2000 census — the first in which information on adoptions was collected — showed that just over 16,000 white households included adopted black children. Adoption experts say there has been a notable increase since 2000. The reasons for the increase are varied. The Multiethnic Placement Act and its amendments prohibited federally financed agencies from denying adoption based on race. The foster care system has sharply changed in recent years and now includes financial incentives for finding more adoptive families. The combination of legal changes and greater embracing of multicultural families — Americans have adopted more than 200,000 children from overseas in the past 15 years — have lessened resistance from both blacks and whites. The long wait for white children and the high costs of international adoptions — typically $15,000 to $35,000 — also play a role. And agencies are offering courses to help adoptive parents enter the process with more cultural openness and awareness. Ms. Brockway and Mr. Timble decided to adopt after a physically and emotionally wrenching first pregnancy — their daughter was delivered at 25 weeks. They did not want to deal with the long wait for a white infant, and adopting from overseas did not appeal to them. “Some people see Asian or other ethnicities as closer to white, more acceptable, easier,” said Ms. Brockway, a teacher. “That’s just not us. We feel like we have the open arms and minds to be a good match to an African-American child.” In practice, however, decisions about adoption placements are still influenced by racial considerations, many families say. Since 1994, white prospective parents have filed, and largely won, more than two dozen discrimination lawsuits, according to state and federal court records. Many more disputes have been settled in arbitration. The loaded jumble of viewpoints and anxieties related to transracial adoptions of black children are complex and often contradictory. Rhetoric around the issue has softened considerably since the National Association of Black Social Workers, in 1972, likened whites adopting black children to “cultural genocide.” The group removed the genocide reference from its policy statement in 1994, but it still recommends same-race placements. And organizations like the Child Welfare League have argued in recent years that while race need not be the primary consideration in placements, it should not be disregarded. Many blacks still worry that white families cannot equip black children to navigate the country’s complicated racial landscape. “Adoption, like everything else in this country, gets filtered through the lens of race,” said Joseph Crumbley, a black social worker in Philadelphia and a consultant on transracial adoptions. “For blacks, it is about how comfortable can whites be in dealing with the issue of race when their race is in conflict with the race of the child.” At the same time, some blacks view international adoptions by whites as a slight to black children in need of permanent and stable homes. “I can’t help but wonder why Angelina and Brad can’t adopt an African-American baby here with so many in need,” said Ishia Granger, 36, a black friend of Ms. Brockway. More than 45,000 black children were waiting to be adopted from foster care in 2004. There are no reliable national figures for private adoptions. Advocates of black adoption criticize adoption agencies as not doing enough to recruit black families. But one strategy agencies use, in part, to recruit black families — reducing fees for African-American adoptions — seems to some critics like a literal devaluing of black children. And while current adoption laws impose penalties on federally financed agencies that discriminate, there are no penalties for failure to identify black adoptive families. Both black and white families, at times, feel discriminated against. Charlene White, a black adoptive mother in Richmond, Va., said that when she and her husband, Malachi, began the process in 1997, a counselor asked them about drug and criminal records — questions a white couple they knew who were also adopting were not asked. “It was definitely because we were black,” Ms. White said. A white judge initially denied Nick and Emily Mebruer’s petition to adopt a black child, ruling that the Mebruers, a white couple who live in rural Lebanon, Mo., were “uniquely unqualified” to parent a black child because of their limited interaction with black people and culture. The ruling was overturned, and their daughter, Maggie, is now 3. “We felt like it was an indictment of us and our entire community,” said Mrs. Mebruer, a family doctor, as Maggie played with a black doll in the center of the living room and danced to the Australian children’s group the Wiggles. “It was assuming that we didn’t have the desire or the capacity to learn.” The Mebruers did not explicitly set out to adopt a black child. But when the Kansas City office of Catholic Charities called one spring afternoon to say that an infant was available and that they needed the couple’s decision within hours, the race of the child, Mr. Mebruer said, was secondary. White families adopting black children are increasingly learning that the “love is enough” approach to adoption that families bring to the process is often met with skepticism. Psychologists, researchers and adoptees themselves say many children adopted transracially in past decades suffered from philosophies focused on assimilation, with little or no acknowledgment of racial and cultural conflict. Robert O’Connor, 39, who was raised by a white family in Rush City, Minn., recalled his struggles growing up in a small town with few other blacks. Throughout his youth, he said, he felt awkward around other blacks. He did not understand black trends in fashion or music or little things like playing the dozens, the oral tradition of dueling insults. “I always felt like I had this ‘A’ on my forehead, this adoptee, that people could see from a far distance that I was different,” said Mr. O’Connor, who now researches transracial adoptions as assistant professor of social work at Metropolitan State University in St. Paul. Today, some agencies are working to avoid mistakes of the past. Ms. Brockway and Mr. Timble are adopting through the Cradle, a Chicago agency that gives transracial adoptive parents extensive counseling as well as a course on “conspicuous families.” One exercise meant to assess parents’ comfort level in confronting racial issues lists a roster of stereotypes including, “lazy,” “passive” and “athletic,” and asks parents to assign them to the race or ethnic group to which they are often applied. Judy Stigger, a counselor at the Cradle and herself a white adoptive mother of two black children, now adults, makes the issues tangible to prospective parents by relating personal stories. She tells about the time when her son, then a teenager, reached into her purse at a McDonald’s and a clerk called security; and the time when her daughter began crying while looking through congratulatory cards sent by family and friends when they took her home. “Was I supposed to have been white?” her daughter, then in the third grade, asked. Ms. Stigger had never noticed that the children on all of the cards were white. “It’s about getting people to realize that they should not be thinking about being, as one 8-year-old put it to me, ‘a white family with a weird child,’ but a multiracial family,” Ms. Stigger said. “The way most white people use the term ‘colorblind’ is just silly. We want to create color aware families, not colorblind families.” Ms. Brockway worked for years in predominantly black schools and now tutors children in foster care. Mr. Timble, who owns a promotional printing business, has a cousin who has adopted four black children. They live in an ethnically diverse section of northwest Chicago. But after working through the adoption process, Ms. Brockway said, they are considering moving to a neighborhood with more black professionals and finding a more diverse church. For some adopting families, public reaction defies assumptions. Katherine and Ryan Liebl were dining recently in the Oak Park neighborhood of Chicago, where they live, when a black family asked them where they had adopted their son, Matthew, now 8 months old. They responded that he was from Chicago and steeled for disapproval. Instead, they said, the family cheered: “Yeah, domestic baby. Good for you!” The Liebls, who adopted through the Cradle, were chosen by black birth parents from profiles submitted by black and white adoptive families. The same birth parents had previously chosen a black couple, Dana and Drayden Hilliard, to adopt two older children. So the Liebls’ son Matthew has two biological siblings being raised by a black family in a nearby suburb. The two families have become friends and are raising the children as siblings, getting them together about once a month. The Hilliards said they were surprised that the birth mother chose a white family. “But wherever a child can find love, black, white or purple, that is all right with me,” said Ms. Hilliard, 39, a program analyst. “I do feel that if parents adopt transracially they owe it to their child to keep them connected with their heritage. But we are happy to be a resource for that.” The two families do not know for sure what attracted the birth mother to them, but they said worldliness seemed to have trumped race. The birth mother commented to each that their expressed love for travel would offer her children a chance to explore the world that she never had. “We feel like we struck gold,” said Mr. Liebl, 31, a lawyer. “Matthew has these siblings that he will know and this level of contact between us that is authentic and not forced.” In the personal letters that the Cradle requires adoptive parents to submit to birth parents, those adopting transracially are asked to include examples of how they would bring diversity to a child’s life. Ms. Brockway said it had been a difficult exercise. She wants to include pictures with black friends, but not too many. She wants to write about her black students, Mike’s black relatives and co-workers, their activities in black communities — but not too much. “I don’t want to appear over the top, trying too hard, like we think we’re cool because we have black friends.” she said. “And who is to say what any birth mother will think is important or how any one views or defines diversity and culture. These things are different for everyone.” Sabrina I. Pacifici contributed additional reporting. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by The Flxible Neofan on Tue Jun 21 14:03:27 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 13:10:14 2011. Huh? The single woman would be the "at least one woman" in the household, wouldn't it? I don't think your statement applies... |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 14:05:36 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 13:45:33 2011. "A black heterosexual couple of any income would never be allowed to adopt white kids, yet this is what social workers think are best for black kids."From the NYTIMES.COM:  June 15, 2008 Cowboys’ Ware Fulfills a Challenge for Fatherhood By GREG BISHOP SOUTHLAKE, Tex. — DeMarcus Ware cradled his 3-month-old daughter, smoothing her plentiful black hair, tickling her tummy, kissing her cheeks. On his living room couch this month, Ware looked nothing like a menacing All-Pro linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys. He made baby noises. He shook rattles. He noticed Marley jabbing fingers in her mouth, an indication she was tired. Nothing quite compares to watching parents hold their infant. But Ware and his wife, Taniqua, believe they appreciate their daughter, Marley, more because they adopted her after three failed pregnancies. Finally, they have a child: penetrating eyes, chin covered in drool, curious and cuddly and cute. “Our little angel,” Ware, 25, said. He and Taniqua say they have two angels — one they hold each day, and one they can feel but never see or touch. A poem, “Angel in the Sky,” sits on the mantle in the living room. It refers to Omar Ware, who was stillborn in 2006 and cremated the same day. The Wares placed his ashes in a gold urn next to the poem. Early in the second game he played after Omar’s death, Ware sacked Redskins quarterback Mark Brunell. Instead of dancing, Ware fell backward, powerless, arms spread wide, he said. At that instant, he added, he felt the tension release from his body, as if pushed out by the deafening roar of the home crowd. A friend called Taniqua, saying Ware had looked like an angel falling toward the turf. Ever since, Ware said: “I feel Omar out there with me, watching over me and protecting me. Sometimes, when I’m tired on the field, and I feel like I can’t go anymore, I just think, what if he had one more breath? What if all three did?” The Wares always wanted a large family, boys and girls, maybe twins. They met in high school in Auburn, Ala., where Taniqua worked at a deli and sneaked sandwiches and cookies to him. “Food was the way to his heart,” she said. “And those dimples were every girl’s dream.” Ware played football, basketball and baseball. Taniqua fought fierce competition to become his Diamond Doll so she could hand him sugar cookies, Snickers and blue Gatorade before each baseball game. Taniqua, 26, described Ware as a “big softie,” a study in contrasts: a linebacker so feared and disruptive on the field, yet so sensitive and tender off it. He wrote poetry for her and professed his love so often that every phrase in his marriage proposal had been spoken many times before. She joined the Air Force, working in personnel. DeMarcus went to Troy University in Alabama. They married in March 2005 at a courthouse in Alabama, no family, no fanfare. They celebrated at their favorite fast-food restaurant. When Dallas drafted Ware in the first round that April, he was living a charmed life. But later that year, Taniqua had her first miscarriage. While she was pregnant with Omar, the hopeful Wares bought baby clothes. But they learned during training camp in 2006 that the fetus had no kidneys and would not survive. “It’s always on your mind,” said Ware, whose performance in practice suffered. “It really hit me in the evenings.” Taniqua was always Ware’s counterpoint. She was the daughter of a police officer. Ware met his father for the first time at his high school graduation, and they have since grown closer. She was a tomboy who held in her feelings as often as Ware let his flow. The experience with Omar brought out emotions in her that Ware had never seen. Sometimes, he said, he found Taniqua crying in her closet. Other times, he broke down in her arms. “That was the low point,” Taniqua said. “To go to the hospital and give birth and coming home with nothing. You don’t know how to react. “You’re angry, hurt, upset.” To honor Omar, the Wares gave pendants to relatives with his tiny footprint on the front and his name and birthdate on the back. They also decided to try again. They consulted fertility specialists and doctors who specialize in high-risk pregnancies, and Taniqua became pregnant a third time. Before the 2007 season, Ware commissioned a jeweler to make a pendant for her. But while the Cowboys were preparing to play the Giants in the playoffs in January, Taniqua discovered that the fetus’s heart had stopped beating. That was the day the pendant was completed. It is in the shape of an angel. The Wares never questioned their Christian faith. But now they asked plenty of introspective questions, like “What’s wrong with me?” and “Why us?” Then fate intervened. That week, while Ware was picking up his car after repairs at a dealership in Grapevine, Tex., he struck up a conversation with its business manager, Justin Norwood. Months earlier, when Ware bought the car, he noticed photographs of Norwood’s adopted son on the wall. And now, after Ware had missed practice that week for what the team called “personal medical reasons,” Norwood inquired about the pregnancy. Ware told him the news, and their conversation turned to adoption. Norwood’s father, Jim, the pastor of Oakcrest Family Church in Kennedale, Tex., runs a ministry program for women. A few days later, Norwood called the Wares to say that his father knew a woman due to give birth soon who was offering her child for adoption. Marley is that child. She was born on leap day, Feb. 29, with a black Mohawk that Taniqua said “you had to see to believe.” The Wares, who were at a wedding in Manhattan at the time, caught the first flight home. At the hospital, Ware said, he told Taniqua, “You a momma now.” She replied, “And you a daddy.” They named her after Bob Marley, Ware’s favorite reggae singer. Marley, with an infectious smile, is drawn to lenses, and the Wares document her so often that they run low on memory in their camera and camcorder. She has many nicknames, including Stinker and Daddy’s Little Princess. Ware “lights up Marley’s day,” Christy Shepard, a family friend, said, adding: “She smiles when she sees him across the room. When he comes in, it’s like nobody else exists.” The feeling appears to be mutual. “That dude is just one proud papa,” Norwood said. “He’s always, always talking about his daughter.” The Wares plan to try to conceive again, and they have talked about becoming a foster family. Recently, they started working with Jonathan’s Place, a local nonprofit adoption and boarding agency for abandoned and abused children. Ware said he hoped to become a spokesman for the agency. He would tell everyone how Marley — and his struggle to become a father — changed his life, made him more responsible, fulfilled him in a way that football never had. “Our little angel,” Ware said. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 14:09:18 2011, in response to Re: Ghey couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Train Dude on Tue Jun 21 13:58:40 2011. "has he come out of the group home closet yet?"what closet are you referring to? the broom closet? eh? maybe you should clean up your act with that broom....before you label people on Subchat who you have no clue what they are all about. How many times have you fallen off your bike today? eh?  |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 14:09:25 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Chris R16/R2730 on Tue Jun 21 13:10:55 2011. I am all for people doing what they want, and with whom the want, I have no problem with gays. But don't bring kids into it. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 14:45:21 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 14:05:36 2011. Yeah, a surrogate parent type of adoption where the mother can chose the parents would be an exception. It's still very surprising to see a black couple adopt a white child. I wonder if the baby is actually mixed and will get darker as she gets older? Still she looks very light and with really striaght hair, so maybe not. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Olog-hai on Tue Jun 21 14:57:24 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by The Flxible Neofan on Tue Jun 21 14:03:27 2011. Uh-oh; you questioned him. Brace for ad-hominems . . . |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 15:02:06 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Olog-hai on Tue Jun 21 14:57:24 2011. "Uh-oh; you questioned him. Brace for ad-hominems . "Why not throw in some of your anti-Leftist propaganda...it'll make you feel worth living again......need I say more? Olog-hore |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by The Flxible Neofan on Tue Jun 21 15:06:33 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 15:02:06 2011. Good gravy, man! Splashing the venom about.. :( |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by SMAZ on Tue Jun 21 18:05:20 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 14:09:25 2011. I am all for people doing what they want, and with whom the want, I have no problem with gays. But don't bring kids into it.You obviously have many problems with gays, otherwise your deep-seated prejudices wouldn't get in the way of what's in the best interests of the child and their best interests are NOT furthered by living in permanent foster care or group homes. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 18:19:06 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by SMAZ on Tue Jun 21 18:05:20 2011. "You obviously have many problems with gays, otherwise your deep-seated prejudices wouldn't get in the way of what's in the best interests of the child and their best interests are NOT furthered by living in permanent foster care or group homes.'His way of thinking is in the "Father Knows Best" ideology....one male father and one female mother and a bunch of kids. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Jeff Rosen on Tue Jun 21 18:19:21 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Fred G on Mon Jun 20 22:32:15 2011. Click on the picture. That will bring you to the correct link.That being said, I believe all children should have a father and a mother. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 18:30:32 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Jeff Rosen on Tue Jun 21 18:19:21 2011. "That being said, I believe all children should have a father and a mother."While you are allowed to believe the above...it would be heartless to say that those kids that don't live in your "perfect mold" are imperfect......the love of a child from a parent is the main concern here...why the issue over that love based on gender? |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 18:42:48 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 18:19:06 2011. Yeah. Other than "a bunch" of kids, that's what most people would think is best. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 18:51:21 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 18:42:48 2011. "Yeah. Other than "a bunch" of kids, that's what most people would think is best."That would then mean....an implication of perfection...thereby anything outside of that...is imperfect.....as in a single mom or a single dad raising a child as being imperfect..that is what your implying here...we don't live in a perfect world...and unfortunately...there are many examples of abusive homes where there are a male father and a female mother. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Spider-Pig on Tue Jun 21 19:06:07 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 18:30:32 2011. No it wouldn't be "heartless" it would be perfectly rational and correct to say that children without fathers or without mothers are unfortunate.It is heartless to call someone fortunate when they are not. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Spider-Pig on Tue Jun 21 19:09:31 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 13:07:25 2011. Your argument requires the assumption that a single woman is right for wanting to have a child without a father. I disagree with that assumption.It doesn't make a difference whether by "someone guy" you meant "someone gay" or "some guy." |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 19:16:43 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by streetcarman1 on Tue Jun 21 18:51:21 2011. True. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 19:54:56 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 18:42:48 2011. Exactly. And just because I disagree with that doesn't mean I have a "problem with gays". I don't have to agree with everything they want or do. Eveything is black and white with people like this. Heaven forbid you disagree with something they agree with. |
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Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers |
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Posted by GP38/R42 Chris on Tue Jun 21 19:56:45 2011, in response to Re: Gay couples adopting more often despite barriers, posted by Easy on Tue Jun 21 19:16:43 2011. But you were right too. It **IS** imperfect. Idealy they SHOULD have their mother's and father's influence. Obviously everyone doesn't get that, but because some people don't get that doesn't mean there should be "two daddies" either. |
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