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| R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 (298396) | |
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| (298396) | |
R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008 Worthy of noting in the 'Chat' community, I was on the subway when I got the phone call with the news.It was expected, my Dad having contracted bladder cancer five years ago. But he hadn't let it slow him down. He went for monthly treatments and otherwise continued his travel and other activities until additional ailments- shingles; a eurothropic (sp?) nerve causing him to have to wear a huge boot on his right foot; a broken hip incurred by a fall at home- began to occur over the past year. The broken hip confined him to a nursing home for rehab and physical therapy from November to February. Three days after he got out, he fell again and was put in a different nursing home. Shortly thereafer, he went for a much-delayed scraping. It was then found that the cancer had spread to his spine and verterbrea. He was put in Sloan-Kettering for radiation treatments and given no more than six months. My Mom began to make arrangements for a hospice. I'd gone to Sloan twice to see him. The previous Saturday he was his usual self, i.e. busting Mom's and my chops. This past Saturday, he was very weak and feeble, quite unlike him. His appearance was quite shocking, but we figured he'd defy the prognosis and hang on for much more than six months. Yesterday afternoon, I was rail and busfanning as I do any free day I have. I'd parked on Cypress & Putnam Avenues in Ridgewood, rode the B38 to Wilson, a Hybrid on the B60 to Williamsburg Plaza and the J to Canal. I'd hoped to get one more last chance to ride an R40 on the N to Coney with the added incentive of the 59-Kings express GO. I fought my way down a very crowded staircase to see a 160 with its doors about to close. After a minor struggle with the closing doors, I made it on and sat down. Soon after the train emerged onto the bridge my cell phone rang. The Caller ID read HOME. "Dad!" "Let me guess: you want me to bring home McDonalds for dinner." "No- you have to come home right away." "Why? What happened? Where's Mom?" "She's getting the laundry out. She told me to call you." "What's up?" "Grandpa died." "Oh. Listen, I'm on a 160 on the N going over the Bridge. It'll take about an hour for me to get home. At the next stop I'll get out and call Mom and Grandma." I felt remarkably calm until the train started its usual crawl through Gold interlocking, DeKalb bypass and the interminable approach to Pacific. Naturally I was towards the front of the train so had to run for the stairs and up to the street. It was raining, so I took to the nearest awning in front of a bodega at Atlantic & 4th. After enduring a long wait for a signal, I made my calls. Then I walked to Scherm & Bond (calling my supervisor at work along the way), got an A to Broadway Junction, an L to Myrtle and drove home. My Mom, local brother and I proceeded to the chapel to make arrangements for a Tuesday service and burial. The extra day is needed to allow travel for my other, L.A.-based brother, niece from Upstate and distant Rabbi cousin from Arkansas. Dad was like most other Depression-era Bronx natives: blunt, outspoken, hardworking, honest to a fault, goodhearted in spite of himself. After serving as a Sergeant in WWII, he attended phramaceutical school and became a detail man- i.e. sales rep. From 1957 to his 1984 retirement, he worked for Schering-Plough and called on most hospitals in NYC- including the one in which he passed. In high school, I used to joke that my Dad sold drugs for a living. Of course, being a licensed pharmacist is essentially being a doctor- but without the income. In any event, when any of us was sick, Dad knew exactly what we had to take. His big passion- along with plants, minerals and arguing politics- was travel. We used to travel all over the northeast and West, visiting virtually every major national park in a space of four or five summers. After retirement, he traveled to England, Spain, Portugal, China, Thailand and Singapore. (Suffering a detached hernia in Thailand did not force him to cut his trip short.) But if I were to drive him down 33rd Avenue instead of 32nd Avenue as usual, he would be utterly disoriented. His sales job required him to use the company-issued car most of the time, so he seldom rode the subway. All through the seventies, he'd come home ranting about how 2nd Avenue was all torn up for that *&($#*! construction for that *$(#@! subway that'll never be finished. When I was told of the six month prognosis, I remembered friends and co-workers who had to watch stricken relatives deteriorate for months and years, resulting in horrible agony- not to mention expense- for all involved. So Dad's passing comes as much a relief as a tragedy. The suddenness of it is quite a shock, one that still hasn't fully registered. My Mom, brother and I exhibited no sorrow in front of the funeral director; rather, we were cracking jokes in abundance. This lighthearted attitude continued through the many phone calls I had to make last night. Black humor is a distinct trait of the Fein family. Being by far the youngest of three, I never knew my grandparents and have a very small family in general: one faraway aunt and uncle who have long since passed. So this is really a new experience; I never realized funeral chapels have coffin showrooms! Of course, there's no 'good' time for someone to die. In a perverse way, I felt additional relief that we can go to a scheduled June wedding in Maryland without worrying about receiving THE phone call. Sorry to go on so long, but I feel comfortable enough on this board to ramble on like this. Thank you all for your friendship and support. So long, Dad. You made me what I am, FWIW. |
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| (298397) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Terrapin Station on Mon Mar 17 09:34:37 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. Sorry to hear. My condolences. |
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| (298399) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Fred G on Mon Mar 17 09:35:12 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My condolences, Howard. I know how it is when you "know when it's coming" and the relief you feel once it happens. Hang in there and give my best to your family.your pal, Fred |
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| (298400) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Chris R16/R2730 on Mon Mar 17 09:38:15 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My condolences. |
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| (298411) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Charles G on Mon Mar 17 09:53:45 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. So long, Dad. You made me what I am, FWIW.It certainly seems like he did good. My condolences, CG |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by SelkirkTMO on Mon Mar 17 09:55:23 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My addition for Shiva there ... at least he seemed to maintain his bustini to the end which means he was in good spirits. None of us get outta here alive, even fewer with our sanity ... God bless! :) |
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| (298419) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by MJF on Mon Mar 17 10:02:39 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. Sorry to hear about your father. My condolences to you. |
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| (298445) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Mitch45 on Mon Mar 17 10:21:53 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My condolences on the loss of your dad. No matter how "expected" it is, its always a shock when you lose a parent. I know, I've lost both already, one to cancer (expected) and one to heart failure (sudden).As we Orthodox Jews say to a bereaved one, "May the Almighty comfort you amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem." |
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| (298497) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by BrooklynBus on Mon Mar 17 11:35:29 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My condolences to you and your family.Your mentioning of coffin showrooms reminded me of a humorous incident. An elderly friend of my mother's some years ago told us he went into a funeral home to ask the price of a coffin. When hearing what it cost, he just gasped and said, "I'll come back when you're having them on sale." Then he walked out. |
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| (298499) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by daDouce Man on Mon Mar 17 11:51:43 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My condolances also. |
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| (298500) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by daDouce Man on Mon Mar 17 11:51:43 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My condolances also. |
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| (298511) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by BMT Guy on Mon Mar 17 12:16:52 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. Howard, my most heartfelt condolences to you and your family. My prayers are with you. |
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| (298522) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Newkirk Plaza David on Mon Mar 17 12:42:36 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. Howard, I am very sorry to hear about your Grandfather's passing. My condolences to you and your family. |
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| (298535) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Wayne-MrSlantR40 on Mon Mar 17 13:16:12 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My thoughts are with you at this time of loss.-wayne- |
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| (298540) | |
Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by RonInBayside on Mon Mar 17 13:24:30 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. I'm very sorry for your loss. Your Dad sounds like he was incredibly inspiring! And multi-talented."Dad was like most other Depression-era Bronx natives: blunt, outspoken, hardworking, honest to a fault, goodhearted in spite of himself. After serving as a Sergeant in WWII, he attended phramaceutical school and became a detail man- i.e. sales rep. From 1957 to his 1984 retirement, he worked for Schering-Plough and called on most hospitals in NYC- including the one in which he passed" My wife and I both deal freqently with pharmaceutical representatives. They are always smart, and funny and the best ones, like your Dad no doubt, are very helpful to us in looking after patients. They get us samples, they help identify where to get reduced price medicines or programs for patients in financial distress. If your Dad detailed pediatric drugs it is possible my wife and I may have met him. Did he call on Schneider Children's Hospital in Queens or Winthrop-University Hospital (pediatric dept) in Mineola? I will ask my wife if she's heard of him. My best wishes to you. May you have peace and prosperity, for you and your family. |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by monorail on Mon Mar 17 13:37:11 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. sorry to hear of your loss, you had him for a lot longer than some of ushope your memories of him contain many fein moments......... john |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by WayneJay on Mon Mar 17 13:44:34 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. Sorry to hear. You have my condolenses and well wishes for you and your family during this difficult time. |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by 5301 Fishbowl on Mon Mar 17 14:11:37 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. Howard, you have my condolences. I lost my mother to cancer 6 years ago next month. Even though you sort of expect it, it's still a shock when you get that phone call.My Mom, brother and I exhibited no sorrow in front of the funeral director; rather, we were cracking jokes in abundance. This lighthearted attitude continued through the many phone calls I had to make last night. Black humor is a distinct trait of the Fein family. I wish I could say the same for my brother. I realize that everybody handles the passing of a close family member differently, but my brother dealt with it the opposite way. If I tried to crack the smallest of jokes, he flew off the handle. He even had to enroll in Gilda's Club, which features a support group that helps deal with the loss of someone to cancer. But like I said, everybody handles grief differently. |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 18:32:17 2008, in response to Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Newkirk Plaza David on Mon Mar 17 12:42:36 2008. Uhh Dave, thanks for your support but I must correct you. It was my DAD that passed. If either of my grandfathers, whom I never knew, were alive they'd probably be about 120.But nice try- |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by TransitChuckG on Mon Mar 17 20:14:52 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My condolences. My heart goes out to you, it's a sad thing.I miss my wife, and her parents,I lost them in 2002 & 2003. Chuck |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by SUBWAYMAN on Mon Mar 17 21:03:13 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My condolences. Sorry about your loss. |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by straphanger9 on Tue Mar 18 04:38:54 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. Sorry to hear that news. Condolences to you and your family |
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Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Newkirk Images on Tue Mar 18 20:27:55 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. My father didn't make it to 60 having a massive heart attack claim him at 59 years. For a run of eighty nine years he had a long run at life. Cherish those memories always.Bill "Newkirk" |
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Thanks to All- re; Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 24 10:06:38 2008, in response to R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 17 09:26:37 2008. Finally back at work and glad to be- until I saw all the stuff waiting for me on voice and E-mail. I want to thank everyone for their expressions of condolence and good wishes. Much as we snipe at each other on this board, it just goes to show that when things get tough we do help each other at times of need.Two things I've learned: -"Sitting Shiva" is a contradiction in terms. I was too busy answering the phone, giving directions, running out for more soda, bringing in more folding chairs from the basement and other sundry tasks, there was no time or chance to sit. -When the deceased is old and death expected, the funeral and sitting period become essentially a prolonged wedding. Everyone at the chapel and the house was preoccupied with, since the previous wedding or funeral, who came; who didn't; who gained weight; who had liposuction/Botox; who [fill in name of perpetually divorced/single person] came with THIS time; who's not speaking to whom. And I'm SICK of saying "Thank you for coming." Thank you for coming. |
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Re: Thanks to All- re; Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Terrapin Station on Mon Mar 24 10:07:58 2008, in response to Thanks to All- re; Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by Howard Fein on Mon Mar 24 10:06:38 2008. -"Sitting Shiva" is a contradiction in terms. I was too busy answering the phone, giving directions, running out for more soda, bringing in more folding chairs from the basement and other sundry tasks, there was no time or chance to sit.Yes, it seems to be pretty hectic, but I'd hope you had people to help you do all those things so that you could actually sit shiva. |
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To Ron: Pharmacists- re: Murray Fein 1919-2008 |
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Posted by Howard Fein on Tue Mar 25 13:38:08 2008, in response to Re: R.I.P.Murray Fein 1919-2008, posted by RonInBayside on Mon Mar 17 13:24:30 2008. Don't take this the wrong way, but my Dad came to HATE doctors through the years in his profession- at least he was always griping about them. Physicians and pharmacists seem to have a natural adverserial relationship, yet need each other in order to practice their crafts.I remember Schering dealing with mostly cold remedies. The names Coricidin, Garimycin and Streptomycin- if I'm spelling them right- were frequently uttered in phone conversations. They weren't available over the counter until Schering went public back in the eighties or nineties. I recall my Dad's territory was mostly Manhattan: Columbia-Presbyterian a/k/a "Presby", Saint Vincent's, Mount Sinai a/k/a "Mount Sinus", and the huge morass of hospitals in the extreme East 60s- including Sloan-Kettering, where he passed. He probably hated the thought of having to be a hospital inpatient even more than non-pharmacists would. As a detail man- don't EVER refer to them as sales reps- he'd get a company car for business and personal use every few years. Through the sixties and into the seventies it was Chevy Bel-Air or Plymouth Fury station wagons- the back compartment necessary for hauling samples. When the energy crisis hit, we were downgraded to a Chevy Nova sedan, which was not very comfortable for a man of 6'3". By his 1984 retirement, there was a slight upgrade to a Malibu. The biggest benefit was when my Dad regularly dealt with a doctor who moonlit as the Knicks' team physician. This meant free tickets to Knicks, Rangers, wrestling, Ice Capades and the circus in both the old Garden at 8th & 49th and the current one. He won several Best Salesman awards, which usually meant a large pewter mug with the company insignia, and a less lucrative sales territory. Like most salesmen of the era, he smoked heavily for many years but gave it up cold turkey at age 55 without regard to the hardship it would cause him- and his family. Most nights at dinner usually brought a tirade about doctors, nurses or traffic. In our basement, garage and underneath any table could be found piles and piles of boxes of the aforementioned narcotics. In later years, he was thankful to be out of the profession before the era of cell phones, GPS monitoring and having to record all your activities on laptops. My Mom would always type his reports for him on the dining room table. He had an office in the basement where he'd sit, cuss and do endless paperwork. And as a career salesman, he had no end of dirty jokes and political opinions. It's doubtful he was aware of the recent events that led to our state's change in governorship. But he would have had an absolute field day! |
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