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Re: Fight Birth Control Battle Over the Counter

Posted by Olog-hai on Mon Mar 19 03:01:35 2012, in response to Fight Birth Control Battle Over the Counter, posted by dand124 on Sun Mar 11 13:04:16 2012.

Birth control pills. That's part of the drug scene, isn't it? You have to count them. The entire female population of the US is being used as the guinea pigs to find out if birth control pills are gonna have any side effects or not. Isn't that nice. Really, if every lady who used them gets to 61 and one leg gets shorter than the other one...better call the pills back. Birth control pills are still on prescription. You still need a note to get laid. It's so bad. Not only do you need a note, you gotta go to one guy to get the note, and you gotta bring it to another guy. Everybody's in on it, y'know. Ladies must feel silly goin' up.. "Here's my note. Hmm.." "Oh, that's what you're doing at home, eh? Well, uh, we're keeping a record of it here in the store. Late at night, I read them."

Someday, birth control pills will come off prescription and when they do, they'll need those cute little catchy names that the patent medicines have. They'll sell birth control pills at the corner drug store, there'll be one cent sales at Rexall. There'll be attractive little cartons, merchandising campaigns, a special Christmas package. They'll be right up there with the Schrafft's two-cent mints at the cash register. "Take your change and birth control!" And they’ll need those cute little names, names that describe what the product does. Names like…well, we have so many patent medicines today—Sleep-eze, No-Doz, Dentu-Grip, Ora-Fix... Sounds a little freaky that one, I dunno... (gay voice:) "Listen, may I have an Ora-Fix?" "Not without a note. Hell, no."

• Someday birth control pills will need names like: Preg-Not!
• Doctors prefer Embry-No!
• Here’s one for the ladies: Nary a Carry!
• Something lofty and poetic: Nay, Family Way!
• Something earthy and crude: Mom Bomb.
• Something for the youngsters: Junior…Miss!
• Here’s a real man’s product: Inconceivable!

Mommy Not, Fetus Fail, Kiddie Kill, Poppa Stopper, whatever you want. Womb Broom, Humpty Dumpty, y'know. They’re clever guys. I wouldn’t be surprised if they come up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time and call it Baby-Maybe! "Available in the six-pack, the sex-pack and the handy shack-pack for you weekenders! One for home, one for the office and one for the glove compartment, guys! And don’t forget to save those wrappers!" Remember that, you always save 60 wrappers and get some azalea seeds.

Here's a phone call that will never take place. A common phone call that will never occur again once birth control is universal. Once everyone had a way to plan, no bachelor will ever have to fear this phone call again. And they fear it. So do married men. It's a scary call if you're fertile at all.

(ring) "Hello!"

"Hello, Dave?"

"Yeah, this is Dave. Who is this?"

"This is Jane."

"Jane? Jane who?"

"Jane…"

"Jane Jane?"

"Jane! You met me at a party about six to eight weeks ago and you said I was a real good sport."

"Oh, Christ yeah. How are you, Jane?"

"Pregnant! And I'm gonna jump out the window!"

"Say, you are a good sport, aren't ya, Jane?"

It is a male sexist pig joke, really. . . .